6-8-2021

Writing the letter yesterday felt like an easy conclusion. but this is much harder than that. seeing her today felt good. I was still numb bc I had thought about my conclusion and felt it was right. She has her other people and she doesn't need me. but I think i need her. And i've never needed anyone like that so I'm scared and want to distance myself. I'm scared that if I do seperate myuself then I'd be losing her forever. And that thought i equally as terrifying. I'm having trouble coming up with an answer since I stopped caring about people for so long that now that I do. And they are moved on.I feel I shouldn't rope them in. and stop their progress. maybe I'm not meant for them. and it hurts, but maybe thats the case... idk. 

I wish I was more in tuned with my emotions. 

Should I communicate my thoughts to [Redacted]?

this is all new to me what if we have new issues. 

I have no idea whats the right move. I have people that like me, but I don't want them but she has people that she wants and vice versa. She doesn't need/want me. I'm also starving myself as a cope. So back to that. 

Back to hating myself. 

Yay.

She needs someone with less problems thats not me.

I'm an issue.