7-19-2020

My ipad still had pictures of [Redacted] and I did the error of looking through them and hearing her voice once more. We weren't the best for one another, but we still had a lot of fun. And I should feel indifferent since she is so fragile and the only people that can make her happy are kpop idols that she's never had any interaction with. Its kind of mad. and she made me feel bad about my sexuality, being me, and I had to change because her world was so damaged. We aren't all perfect, and I'm far from it. But if I can't deal with someone's issues then thats ok and I shouldn't be punished for it. She is a super sweet, bubbly girl with many quirks and admirable qualities, but it just isn't it. Y'know. She's living her life with idols, gu???, regga????? and I should just vibe here like this. Why am I not? Its not fair to [Redacted]. She's been so good to me. I feel bad even having to write this much about [Redacted]. I'm struggling to find peace in my own heart. And sometimes I wonder if I'll ever find it.Maybe my constant search for it is the reason why I can never obtain it.